I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
