...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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