SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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