One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
