It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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