i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
