I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
