I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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