that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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