TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
