do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
