also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
