I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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