Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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