im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dear god my vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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