Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
