I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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