the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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