He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
