My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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