just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
