I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
