I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
