i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
