Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
