Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
