Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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