none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
