They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
