i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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