I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
