I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
