I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
