I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
