Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its not stalking. its research.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
