Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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