she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
