There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
