I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
