3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
