Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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