I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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