I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
