It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
