i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This toilet bowl is my home.
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