I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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