Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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