Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
