i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
