Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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