Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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