I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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