he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
