Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
