fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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